Hyperkalemia (high potassium)

Here is a cause of hyperkalemia which everyone missed. Did you know you can OD on milk? I didn’t until my potassium levels hit critical & my hematologist wanted to put me on dialysis. They thought I was taking supplements. I wasn’t. Every glass of milk has 400 mg potassium. A half gallon has 3200 mg. A gallon has 6400 mg. I was drinking at least a gallon per day or more. I had to stop drinking milk for a couple days to prove it was the source  of the excess potassium. My levels returned to normal.

If it can do this to a heavy adult, imagine what it can do to a child. I don’t know if the potassium in the milk is natural or added, but this is a prime example of the toxic levels of vitamins being added to our foods & drinks. Nobody is watching & the medical community overlooks these sources. You can OD on milk like I did and end up with critical levels of potassium. My entire family drinks large amounts of milk like this. What other problems are these toxic levels of vitamins & preservatives causing. I think the additives need to stop.

In my case, if I hadn’t noticed the potassium levels on the milk carton, the doctors would have concluded it was caused by my medications or medical conditions… many of which are listed as causing hyperkalemia. I was fortunate to have an implanted pacemaker/defibrillator to correct the arrhythmia’s caused by critical potassium levels. I still drink too much milk because I’m allergic to artificial sweeteners & corn syrup. I cannot drink fruit drinks &  sugary beverages because they elevate the  glucose levels. I also don’t like plain water or coffee & rarely drink tea. Milk is about the only thing I drink & it’s still too much. I get sick  & dehydrated if I can’t drink milk & have walked out of a hospital for suspending my access over a false premise  it was causing high glucose levels. It wasn’t. But my blood is checked weekly so I will know if  the potassium gets too high. 

If you have high levels of potassium, check your foods & beverages & vitamin supplements for sources of high levels.

Doctors used to claim we couldn’t get high potassium levels from food or drink or OTC products. I have proved we can get it from milk, so check your foods & drinks because the doctors are misinformed on this issue. My doctors were  ready to put me on dialysis & were shocked when I brought it down in 2 days by limiting my milk consumption; without dialysis.

Again, I’m not a doctor & these descriptions are from my personal experience. Please contact a doctor or hospital for authoritative medical advice.

 

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Morgellons (skin sores, itching, red & blue fibers)

It is clear that many of these attacking doctors are close minded, incompetent boobs seeking notoriety at the cost of these victims. Anyone who claims these fibers are threads of clothing has never bothered to look at them under a microscope. The FBI compared these fibers to their hundreds of thousands fabrics in their files. There were no matches. Anyone with an ounce of sense knows what cottons, hairs & fabric fibers look like under a microscope. There is no comparison to the Morgellons fibers.

I’m an engineer, not a doctor but I’ve looked at Morgellons fibers under a microscope. These are not manmade, nor dyed, nor from any fabric. Some of these fibers have a head at one end similar to certain whiptail bacteria or parasites. These fibers could be excretions or segments like you might see from a tape worm.

I’ve seen these under the skin through a portable microscope where no wound exists. Completely invisible to the naked eye. They indefinitely retain their bright red & royal blue coloring without any fading. If these fibers were living, the coloring would degrade through decomposition. So that narrows our choices. Keep in mind that silkworms produce silk. Spiders produce web threads. Caterpillars spin cocoons. So insects do produce fibers. This is likely the source of the Morgellons fibers. A parasite which produces  silk-like fibers.

This tells us that the CDC never bothered to investigate Morgellons fibers. If they had, they would know these were not cotton or any other fabric fibers. So they lied.

I have found boring feather mites attached to some human hair follicles. These are bird parasites which are not supposed to live on humans. But here they are. Only on 1 out of every 20+ hairs has these mites, so easily missed. I don’t know if these are connected to the fibers or not. However, both were in the same area.

It seems to me that a shampoo & body soap containing pyrethrins should eliminate them. Perhaps Lice shampoo. It would be a good idea to leave it on for 20 minutes before rinsing. Perhaps twice per week.

Also medicine to reduce the itching would be of benefit. The less you scratch; the less damage you cause. It is the constant scratching which makes doctors believe it is a psychiatric condition. You MUST STOP scratching. You are damaging yourself & no one will take you seriously until you stop. Calamine lotion, anti itch topicals, Cortisone, Benadryl, pain meds are things to stop itching. Cover the wounds to keep your hands away from it. Also try ice.

Some internet pictures show an ugly volcanic skin ulcer riddled with tiny holes. I’ve seen this before. These are blow fly infestations. Blow flies lay eggs in open wounds on animals. Also, hair follicles in wounds will grow under the skin like wild embedded ingrown hairs. This may also be what you are seeing. Your scratching continues to damage the hair follicles. It is the red & blue fibers which are pertinent features of Morgellons. Not wild hairs in wounds.

If you have open wounds they should be treated & covered. Perhaps mercurochrome or iodine might help. Or Neosporin at the least. The reason I mentioned the outdated mercurochrome & iodine topical treatments is because they might be toxic to parasites. However, being as these are toxic I’m talking about ONE drop in one spot. NOT used in multiple or large areas. These are toxins which is why they are no longer used. Follow directions.

Keep in mind it is often very hard to view certain parasites & bacteria under a microscope unless you know which stain to use. Also, some parasites & bacteria live in certain areas of the body. It often takes decades to identify these new invisible organisms & find the correct stain to make them visible under a microscope.

Remember how Louis Pasteur was treated by the medical community when he discovered anthrax & rabies? Or when he discovered bacteria on medical instruments & physicians which were causing child birth deaths? He was brutalized for suggesting sterilization of hands & medical instruments as well as pasteurization of milk. I recommend watching the movie of his life.

This is the same ignorance faced by the sufferers of Morgellons. Get away from any doctor who tries to make this a mental issue. Do not delay. These doctors are a danger to your welfare. You could lose your children or freedom if you go to some narrow minded doctor who abuses their power. Seek a doctor in an adjacent town or county or another state where they have no legal jurisdiction over you.

If  you have children, go to a doctor out of state. Rent a mailbox in that state for an address to give to the out of state doctor. Pay Cash. Never leave your child alone with the doctor or staff.

If the medical staff try to separate you from your child or spouse, make excuses & get out of there as fast as possible. Any delay could cost your freedom.  This is how far you have to go to get help without endangering your welfare. The ER would be worse in declaring a psychiatric condition. They may summon police to empower emergency restraint & subject you to a mental facility for observation.  Especially if you have multiple sores from scratching.  Chronic scratching will always be viewed as psychiatric. So control your scratching.  

I know someone who took their son to an ER for a cat scratch who started separating family members & summoning authorities. She realized what they were doing, picked up her son & rushed out of the ER with her son & spouse just minutes before the police arrived. This was 35 years ago before they had permanent police posted in ERs. Fortunately, they really were staying in a campground & were moving between states & had no address for real. Five minutes after reaching the campground & alerting the manager, the police showed up. The campground manager told them the family had departed. This was over a minor cat scratch. Just imagine. Believe me when I say you need Io protect yourself.

Decades ago when I was a young mother my 2 yr old got his finger caught in the window of his toy truck. It was swollen & discolored. I feared it was broken & took him to the ER. They separated us at the X Ray while a half dozen nurses & doctors repeatedly hammered at him asking if I had done this. All he could say was “cruck” for truck. I feared he might give into the hammering & repeat what they wanted. He did not understand. I was lucky. My son stood his ground. But this is the mentality of the medical community. Stay away from ER’s & young doctors unless really necessary.

When renting a mailbox take a birth certificate. Park a block away & walk. Tell them you don’t drive so no drivers license. Or say it was suspended in a distant state. Use your maiden name & birth certificate for ID. Tell them you tour the country in a camper with your spouse, boyfriend / girlfriend & have no resident address.  Say he is with a band or rodeo circuit. 

Use this box address for the out of state doctors & pay Cash only. Use the same birth certificate & no drivers license for the doctors records. Do not use your insurance. Park a block away & walk to doctors office. This prevents ID of car & tags. Tell them your child is home schooled only if they ask. That means they are trying to gain info to track your location.

Get out of there when they start prying. Don’t give out your phone number. They can obtain your address, name & your physical location with your phone number. Buy a prepay throw away phone from a local store in that state. Use that number for the records. Discard it if you need to disappear. Park where no one can see your car but where you can get to it quickly if you need to leave in a hurry. But not where you would be exposed in the open trying to leave. Remember these words of advice. They may save you a lot of grief. You don’t realize just how the medical community treats anyone who dares say the word Morgellons. I have a family member who was CIA. These tips come from him. Just in case you need them.

Coach your child to never give out any info to anyone. Tell them to say “ask my mom”. If you suspect a problem, get out. Be sure to quickly pay the doctor cash before leaving. Don’t give them an excuse. Try to get  a receipt but your safety is most important.  Don’t act guilty. Walk fast but don’t run. Say you are late for an appointment.

Try one of those mini medical clinics. They are more conducive to quick exams & impersonal treatment. Remember; do NOT mention Morgellons, fibers or parasites. Even if you did they would not treat it. Just focus on wound care & itching issues. Act like you’ve never heard of Morgellons. If you mention those three items or they see you covered with sores, they will label you as delusional & will not treat the parasite problem. If it is your child, they will suspect child abuse or Munchhausens. This puts you in immediate danger. I cannot stress this enough. Here is an unaffiliated website which will tell you the same thing.

http://www.healinggrapevine.com/health-hazards/morgellons.html

Morgellons is like telling someone you talk to aliens. So you have to protect yourself. Never say the word Morgellons.   Just ask for wound treatment & itch medicine. They wont help your Morgellons. No doctor can help with Morgellons since they don’t believe it exists. So what would be the point in mentioning it? Let them treat the wound, infections & itching without mentioning Morgellons or fibers or crawling insect sensations.

Perhaps try to treat the parasites with Lice or crab shampoos or cat shampoo with pyrethrins. I cured my sister’s crabs with pyrethrin cat shampoo. I made her leave it on for 20 minutes. It got rid of all of them. Perhaps it will help with Morgellons?

Be sure to disinfect hair brushes, combs, hair clips, etc., each time you shampoo. Cover furniture with white sheets & wash weekly. Wash bedding weekly & use pillow protectors. Make sure everything is clean which you come in contact with. Treat & cover wound. Change dressings daily. Keep hands disinfected. Hygiene is paramount. Use gloves  if necessary to prevent scratching. Use UV lighting for air system intake & Hepa filters. However, beware Hepa filters reduce airflow & cause AC units to freeze in hot weather. If this occurs, allow unit to thaw & change to less constricting flow filter. Aprilaire and Freshaire make units to fit central AC & heat A-frame units to provide UV & Hepa protections.

A female doctor would be more open minded. Preferably an older female. Young doctors can be overly judgmental regarding children & suspicions of parental abuse.  Go to the female doctors first.  If not, perhaps a Jewish doctor or a doctor who is totally independent and does not hang out with the good ole boys. But also beware of opportunist doctors who make money & fame by selling their miracle “snake oil” treatments.

We are going to have to find a treatment which works for you. The doctors will only treat wounds & itching. Do NOT mention bugs, parasites, Morgellons or crawling sensations. However, if you are covered with sores they will suspect psychiatric problems. So wear long sleeves & long pants & hide it as best you can. Don’t lie but don’t volunteer info. You MUST STOP scratching!!!    

I’m open to suggestions on treatments for our Morgellons sufferers. Perhaps we can find a way to help.  No negativity will be posted. So don’t try. All comments are moderated.

Avoid caffeine, stimulants, cocaine, crack, methamphetamines or anything that could increase itching. Use lotion on undamaged dry skin. Hypo allergic. Try Benadryl to reduce reactions. You may also need antibiotics for skin sores & antibacterial wound treatments & anti-itch products.

I  am not a doctor.  These are common sense tips not medical advice. So if you have a medical condition I cannot give you medical advice. I can only share what I know from experience with friends, family or myself. Do not hesitate to see a doctor for serious medical problems. I only wish to caution you how to avoid becoming a victim of bad medical practitioners who abuse their power.   If you don’t like them, find another until you find the right one. Just be cautious in your choices.

I suffered from a rare sudden death heart condition called Torsades for 25 years without help because the doctors decided it was mental. The only thing that kept me alive was the nitroglycerin I got from a friend which countered the deadly attacks if used before fibrillation began. I  finally had to die while wearing a holter monitor (at my own insistence) to prove it. NOW they believe me.

So I do know how it feels To spend 25 years with a serious medical condition with no help except derogatory labels. The last snooty doctor who declared I had no physical problem has paid for all my pacemaker defibrillator implants over the past 15 years at $96k each. I did not sue him. His partners & insurance forced him.

Hopefully, we can find help for Morgellons if we share what we know.

 

 

 

 

Foaming milk, Bloating, stomach distention

Here is a new problem I just discovered. It appears the vitamin additives are causing the milk to foam and cause severe bloating, stomach distention, shortness of breath, excess production of phlegm and reflux. Right now, I only drink Horizon brand skim milk 0% fat with no bovine hormones. The carton states the additive is palmitate. They also claim to have added Vitamin D but not where it was derived from. The internet says it comes from animal skins. Even Worse.

I noticed that the milk was creating bubbles when poured into a glass. It has nothing to do with detergent residue. The milk also produces bubbles when poured in disposable paper or plastic cups. When you drink the milk, you can see a dry, flaky coating inside the cup where the milk foam has dried and left a residue after you drank it. This is from the additives. This is the source of the problem.

When you drink the milk, it foams even worse than it had in the cup and turns into millions of tiny bubbles trapped in increased phlegm produced as a reaction. Similar to carbonated drinks except the phlegm traps the bubbles in a foam so it cannot be relieved by belching. The more you drink, the more foam and bubbles build up inside the stomach causing your stomach to enlarge and distend until it actually becomes difficult to breathe. As if you were inflated like a balloon. Unlike normal stomach gas buildup which can be easily relieved with burping or belching, these tiny bubbles wrapped in phlegm, foam  out under pressure in an unpleasant foamy slimy mess. So it cannot simply be eliminated with a belch. The bubbles continue to build up pressure and volume as long as it resides in your stomach as the reaction also fills your stomach with phlegm until it becomes distended and hard as a rock. Do not mistake this reaction to lactose intolerance. Especially if there is no diarrhea involved. I believe it is a reaction to one of the vitamin additives.

Some foods with oils or fats can act as a defoaming agent if eaten in conjunction with the ingestion of milk. So this can intercede with the foaming side effects.

What we need to do, is to find a brand of milk which has NO Bovine hormones, NO vitamin or other additives and organically fed, non GMO, free range dairy cows. A totally organic, additive free milk. I will add the name of the new milk to this article when I find one.

However, keep in mind that it is still imperative for the milk to be pasteurized to destroy bacteria & parasites. Do not drink raw milk. It is not safe. Your milk must be Pasteurized. Homogenized milk is processed to prevent the cream from separating. It keeps the milk blended. Both processes  are safe and necessary as far as I am aware.

Quite frankly, I am getting sick and tired of these beverage companies adding vitamins and calcium’s and omegas, fish oils, corn syrup or other crap to my drinks. Not to mention the chemical ingredients they are using as the source of these additives and what type of contamination those additives may contain. How many of these omega fish oils come from fish contaminated by radioactive waste from Japan or from other polluted regions?

Also, keep in mind that the FDA allows food products to claim “Organic” on their labels if they are only 20% organic. That means they can contain 80% non organic contents.  Horizon brand claims to be 100% organic but that has not protected us from their “foaming” additives.

Years ago, I discovered that the bovine hormones dairy farmers were injecting into dairy cows was causing severe IBS symptoms and abdominal attacks which were being blamed on lactose intolerance when it was actually those horrible bovine hormones from Monstanto getting into the milk we were drinking. Any product associated with Monsanto should be considered toxic. That includes GMO corn, soy, roundup ready grains and produce as well as bovine hormones. All toxic to humans.

So I started drinking Horizon brand milk without those hormones. It cured the IBS (Irritable bowel syndrome) and erroneous lactose intolerance of every person I knew who tried it. That was a good thing. What I did not know is that there was a secondary problem with the milk producing foaming bubbles which we have been suffering with. I can only assume it is being caused by the vitamin additives in the milk. Right now, I only drink Horizon but I will be looking for another brand without bovine hormones and without these vitamin additives. Horizon refuses to listen to these concerns.

The only way to stop this practice of putting additives in our beverages is  for everyone to send complaints, stop buying their products and post opinions  on blogs… keeping in mind these companies will sic online hirelings to shout down & intimidate anyone from speaking out against their products. They will  expend unlimited effort to defend their practices rather than fix them. Don’t let this derail your efforts. Fight these hireling attackers no matter whom they claim to be. It will take public vigilance and boycotting products to exact any change in these practices.  Only significant loss of revenue will effect any change in these processes.

I am not a doctor. All  info is from personal experience.

Thin fingernails

This is an easy one to fix. My fingernails have always been so thin they bend and break and tear. When I started taking 3000 mg of Biotin every day, my nails became amazingly thick and sturdy. It also has the amazing effect of causing your hair to grow in thick and fill in thinning hair with new growth. (See my other article on hair loss) The hair comes in healthy and thick. This has worked for everyone I know, whom I recommended it to; keeping in mind that hair only grows a half inch each month. When I stopped using it for a while, my nails became thin again. So it definitely works.

My mother used to insist on taking gelatin and keratin and brewers yeast but nothing ever worked for nails and hair like Biotin. It is also supposed to improve your skin as well. Give your new nails time to grow thick. It doesn’t occur overnight. 

However, I also must warn that the dosage directions are to take only one 1000mg tablet daily. My doctor is aware of the dosage I take. I figured my hair was so damaged at the time, I needed extra; which beautifully thickened both my nails and hair. My nails were at least 5 times as thick and completely unbendable and sturdy. Like acrylic nails. I’ve never had nails like this my entire life. It is amazing.

My thinning hair grew in thick and long and stronger than ever and even has ringlet curls. My hair has always been string straight, thin and extremely baby fine my entire life. It was like Amber Frey’s courtroom hair… not the greasy hair. Now it is thick with curls as if I had used a curling iron and strong as well. Quite long.

Biotin has an amazing effect on nails and hair and lists skin improvement as well. I didn’t have a problem with that, but it may help others.

I can only describe the experiences for myself, my family and friends.

Chronic Irritable Bladder

I will share something I learned on this subject. I discovered that the more fruit juices I drank, the more my bladder became irritated. This was a surprise since they recommend acidic juices to reduce bacteria in the bladder. I don’t know whether it was the acid or the sugars in fruit juices, but the more I drank, the more often I had to go. The more often I went, the more irritated my bladder became. Not just a 4oz glass. That was fine. But anything more than an 8oz glass of fruit juice or Gatorade was enough to cause frequent urination and increasing irritation. The worse the irritation, the more chance of bacteria becoming an additional factor and become a bladder infection.

However, if I drank nothing but skim milk (Horizon brand or milk with no bovine hormones bGH which causes irritable bowel syndrome), I did not have any trouble with my bladder. All the irritation went away and I stopped having any bladder problems whatsoever. But as soon as I got tired of drinking skim milk and decided to drink more than 8oz of fruit juice, it started all over again. This was when I had no issues with blood sugar which can compound these bladder problems.

I noticed that the low sugar watered down apple juice sold by Market Pantry, a Target brand, seemed to cause less bladder irritation than the full strength fruit juices. Keeping in mind that I never buy fruit juice with any corn syrup or additional sugars. So if you feel you need to drink some fruit juice, I recommend this reduced sugar brand but not in large amounts. You can add a packet of Truvia  to your glass of reduced sugar apple juice to make it sweeter. Truvia sweetener works best when it is used on something with natural sweetness like apple juice or apple sauce. It does not work well on a sugarless product like tea unless a small amount of sugar is added to it. Truvia tends to double sweeteness of a product which already has some low levels of natural or added sugars so Truvia (Stevia) can help you cut down the amount of sugar you use by amplifying the sweetness. But it is terrible when used as the sole source of sweetness.

However, back to bladder irritation, you can try this for yourself. Try drinking skim milk for a few days and stay away from fruits and fruit juices and away from bladder acidifiers and see if your bladder begins to calm down. Again, I’m not sure whether it is the acid or sugars or both which are causing the irritation… but these are also tied to increased frequency of urination which seems to set off the bladder irritation. I know it got so bad I was having to use pyridium (Uristat) to relieve the irritation. (That is the medicine which turns the urine bright orange).

I tried the cranberry acidifier and that was just as bad as drinking fruit juice in causing irritation. As an Engineer, I notice patterns which is how I discovered what was causing these problems. You first have to have the problem in order to recognize the patterns. Thus, unless the doctor has chronic bladder irritation, they would not be aware of these issues.

Fistulas can also be sources of repeated bacterial bladder infections. Bladder and urethra irritation could also be a reaction to soaps, detergents, lotions or other chemicals. Or even the water you bathe in. You can also get irritations from STD’s and transmitted viruses or bacterias. You may need to get swabs or blood tests to look for various chlamydias or other infections.

You can also get yeast infections inside the bladder despite what doctors may believe. Due to the amounts of antibiotics I’ve had to take, I’ve had yeast in the stomach and in the bladder which can only be alleviated by Diflucan. If your tongue is whitish then you probably have Thrush, a yeast infection in the mouth. These are easily eliminated. But  many doctors seem to think the yeast can’t thrive in stomach or bladder acid. Believe me… they can. Just because a doctor thinks otherwise does not make him right. They are often wrong but rarely admit to it.

Males also have bladder problems from prostate enlargement. This is not necessarily indicative of something bad to be afraid of but definitely needs to be checked by a doctor to get the appropriate medicines or treatments. It could simply be an infection or abscess. Don’t delay out of fear. The sooner you get a problem treated, the better chance you have of recovering. Delaying can end up in catastrophic results.

Males have less bladder issues from external irritants because the urethra is a lot longer than those of females. But not impossible. Bacteria and viruses can also infect their bladders as well.

The doctor can take a urine sample to check for bacteria and you can request to  have those bacteria tested for sensitivity responses to a variety of antibiotics in the lab petrie dishes. You don’t want to let a bladder infection go untreated. My great great great grandfather died of uremic poisoning due to a blocked bladder. Even though the doctors finally cleared the blockage, he had suffered toxic buildup (uremic poisoning) during the days he waited to get help and died just a couple days after they cleared the blockage. His kidneys were irreparably damaged.

A bladder infection is something not to ignore or delay. Especially if the urine is cloudy or dark or has an odor of any kind. I went into septic shock from allowing a bladder infection to go untreated. I was taking oral antibiotics at the time but they were not digesting well enough to get high enough levels into my blood. My kidneys were failing and I nearly died. If you have any vomiting or diarrhea, you can become dehydrated within 12 to 24 hours which can concentrate the bacteria to deadly levels overnight. My white count was 40(000) and I was within 4 hours of total kidney failure when I went to the hospital and was rushed to ICU. So a bladder infection is not something to ignore. I was lucky I did not delay another minute.

In some cases of recurring bladder infections, a daily long term antibiotic is one of the last resort treatments to stop the recurrence of infections, especially when a fistula may be involved or other type of chronic cross contamination of bacteria.

However, if you drink a lot of fruit juices and have frequent bladder irritation… try changing to a non-acidic, non-sugar drink such as skim milk (Horizon or other brand without bGH bovine hormones) for a few days and see if that reduces the irritation and reduces the frequency of urination. I would think coffee or tea would also be too acidic. So the only alternatives I can think of to try would be skim milk which works for me, or water. I would distill or boil the water since most US water contains cryptosporidium & other organisms. Avoid sugars, acids, sodium & caffeine’s. This should reduce frequency & irritation. It can’t hurt to try for a few days as long as you do not have an infection going untreated. It will not fix an infection. That requires antibiotics.

If we can stop the bladder from becoming irritated, we might be able to reduce the numbers of bladder infections we have. I believe the irritations caused by acidic & sweet fruit juices & sodium like gatorade are causing frequent urination leading to irritation which then progresses to infection. If we can stop the trigger of the process, we may be able to prevent recurring infections.

However, as always, this problem should be under the care of a doctor so it doesn’t become a serious or dangerous health situation.

Abusive or Violent relationships

I decided to separate these issues into separate posts to better categorize the issues.

I had a former neighbor who had an abusive spouse who was constantly putting her down and trying to break her self esteem.  She realized she had been cowering and allowing her cruel spouse to torment her and he was feeding off his cruelty and reducing her to tears. She didn’t have any money like my other friend had. My neighbor just had a nasty spouse who enjoyed tormenting her. A gun nut which made him even more dangerous. I actually saw him smiling one  time when he reduced her to tears.

She decided to stop the cycle of abuse. She described how she just started smiling pleasantly every time her spouse said something cruel. (She said it is important not to make a nasty or sarcastic smile, otherwise it doesn’t work and the spouse would know he was getting under your skin).  The smile has to look genuine and not overdone. She stopped arguing back. It takes two to argue. He used to say mean things just to get her upset, but she  just smiled pleasantly, said “OK” nicely and walked away. My neighbor made it a personal rule to never say something more than twice. If the other person did not get it after the second time, there was no point in repeating it further. Anything more than twice is a waste of breath. Thus, she never engaged in another argument. She simply stated her opinion no more than twice and walked away after that with a smile. You can’t force someone to agree with you no matter how wrong they may be. Even if they are saying it about you. They are only doing that to get you upset. Her spouse tried to push every button to get her upset again, but she just ignored him, smiled and walked away. Within just a couple weeks, my neighbor’s spouse came apart at the seams because he was no longer able to feed on tormenting her and making her life miserable. He stopped bathing, stopped doing his job and became a basket case simply because he could no longer reduce her to tears. With him coming apart at the seams, she was able to get away from him and moved to another state.

I found her method to be quite effective. I haven’t had to raise my voice nor argue in 20 years. I am not an expert by any means. I can only describe my own experiences or those of my family or friends. Hopefully, some of the info is helpful as an insight about the cruelty of some people and why you shouldn’t allow someone to destroy your self esteem. No one is worth that. Anyone who says nasty things is not your friend and does not care about your welfare.

However, if you live with a violent person, they can be deadly dangerous. You can’t reason with a psychotic and they tend to be unpredictable and can rapidly become murderous. You need to get away to a safe place and have someone help you if necessary.

I had another friend who wanted to leave a violently abusive spouse who was making threats if she ever left, so she called the police while he was otherwise occupied and told the officers she wanted to leave but her spouse had threated to harm her if she tried to leave. She said she was afraid of his violence and asked them to come out to insure her safety as she was leaving. She had not given her spouse any clue she was leaving until the officers had arrived. He was in the shower and was completely surprised to see the police. The police even gave her a ride to the bus station and made sure she was able to leave safely.

When he tracked her down and begged her return, the same pattern started all over again. So she called the police a second time & the police again made sure she was able to leave the house safely without being attacked and they took her to a women’s shelter where she was able to restart her life again. The shelter also helped her get orders of court protection which was something she was unable to afford the first time. It is always best if you have multiple people or friends who can help you leave safely. Never try to leave on your own or make threats of leaving. Just quietly get friends or authorities to help you. Don’t talk about your plans in the house or car in case it is being recorded or monitored. Don’t warn the violent abuser in advance. Making threats of leaving has gotten a lot of people killed. Say nothing. You need help to leave a violent spouse. More than one person. A group of big male friends, relatives or the police or help from shelters, etc. Many men who abuse women are not so violent when they are facing other men larger than they are or in numbers.

Many of the cases on Forensic Files were set off by these types of threats being used during a spousal argument. 

Remember Drew Peterson and two of his wives? Stacy is still missing. Remember how he followed her everywhere after they were married, checked her phone and her email and made accusations working himself into a suspicious frenzy while he was also planning to replace her with a new mistress? There is a movie about them you should watch.

Remember all the dark secrets of Scott Peterson who pretended to be Mr. Niceguy?

The following items could save your life with an abusive spouse (male or female). Never assume someone is going to be a good spouse. Before marrying someone, ask their former spouses and former girlfriends. Ask female coworkers. Run background checks, read their divorce records, etc.

My former neighbor’s ideas for personal rules dealing with an abuser.

  • If you engage in arguing, yelling, etc., it only escalates the situation and makes the abuser more aggressive and possibly dangerous. 
  • Don’t engage in arguments.
  • Don’t respond to or acknowledge nasty comments, insults, lies, etc. 
  • Never yell
  • Be pleasant and polite
  • Never give them a reason to be violent
  • Never say anything more than twice.
  • Don’t say anything that you will regret.
    • Some things are unforgivable and cannot be undone or unsaid.
  • Don’t resort to name calling or personal criticisms
    • no matter how much you are provoked.
  • Find a way to get out of the situation & away from  the abuser without setting them off
  • Don’t engage in violence
  • Keep friends & family around as much as possible
  • Have a family member live with you or stay over for a while
  • Avoid being alone or alone with abuser
  • Invite frequent guests to come over (close friends who know the situation)
  • Never engage in arguments or name calling
  • Don’t make accusations or demands
  • Never tell an abuser you are leaving
  • Never threaten an abuser
  • Never threaten to divorce or leave an abuser
  • Never threaten to take children or property or money from an abuser
  • Never give an abuser advanced warning about any intentions or actions
  • Wait until you have help from police, friends or family to escort you to leave
    • Help needs to be males big enough & more than one male friend or relative or police officers to protect you from violence when you are leaving
    • a group of females is not enough to protect against an abusive male
  • Or quietly obtain a court order & have the police escort the abuser out the door
  • Never be alone while in the process of a court battle.
    • Stay with someone else.
  • Never become an easy target
    • Change your behavior patterns
    • Drive different routes
    • Change your child’s school
    • Change your child’s daycare
    • Move to another location with a friend or relative
  • Never be alone with the abuser after separating or divorcing.
    • Always have a chaperone & in a public place or your lawyers office
    • Ask a lawyer for advice
  • Carpool to and from work
  • Always make sure someone knows your exact schedule every day
    • where you go and with whom
  • Keep a digital recorder inside the lining of your purse
    • let someone trustworthy know where the recorder is located; just in case
  • Leave copies of evidence, recordings, photos of bruises and written descriptions of abuse situation with a trusted friend or relative
    • Signed & dated

Remember OJ Simpson and his ex wife Nicole.

Most deadly assaults have occurred after a spouse has made threats to leave, divorce, take children, property, money, etc., from the abuser. Never say anything to let an abusive spouse know what you are planning. Get help in advance. Do not make arrangements over the phone, in the house or car where you may be recorded or monitored, nor in front of a child that can repeat what you say. Nor tell anyone who might tell the abuser. Get help to escort you to leave or get court ordered help to remove the abuser. In the meantime, don’t do anything to escalate the situation. Don’t argue or yell or make threats, etc. Try not to respond. I know there are those abusive spouses who will intimidate, yell and threaten but if you respond, it will only get worse. Use your energy to start planning on what you need to do to get out of your situation.

The more the abuser escalates, the more desperate they are to see you come to harm. There could be pressures from a mistress, from a job, from money they owe which they need your demise to fix. They can get buy life insurance policies without your knowledge. They can also get life insurance policies on you through their employer benefits. Watch forensic files and similar shows to give you an idea of just how much danger you could be in.

However, do not strip down the abuser of all properties and unreasonable monies. The abuser needs to have money to live on, car to drive and part of the property in the house so they can have personal items (except weapons. Try to get a court agreement to have the weapons sold and the money returned to the owning spouse or divided rather than returning the weapons).

If you strip down an abuser with a mean lawyer and judge to get even, you are giving the abusive spouse a motive to destroy you and leaving them with nothing to lose for coming after you and harming or killing you. You will do better if you leave them with reasonable money and belongings and a fair part of the house items. It will reduce the amount of rage they have against you. Get a job to help with your own costs. Show you are making an effort to be fair. Utility companies have excellent entry level opportunities, excellent pay and excellent opportunities for advancement and promotions.

Even though I owned and paid for all of my properties and household items, I gave my ex enough furniture and dishware, pots and pans, tables, bed, linens, vehicles, tools, photos, etc., for him to set up a decent home. I did not ask for any alimony or money from him. We divided the savings. It was a mutually agreeable property division. We also remained plutonic friends for a few years then went our separate ways. He was not a violent spouse but he was quite cruel which ended with the divorce.

Some men will marry women with money or pretty women as a trophy prize. But most men will come to resent a wife who makes more money or who has a higher position. Men who marry pretty trophy wives will often become jealous and possessive or they may become abusive if the wife gains weight or gets older. In one case, I saw a story about a man on TV who married his wife because he had an obsession for very overweight women. As his 600 lb wife began losing weight and got below 300lbs, he became increasingly abusive and hateful and began tormenting her with food, etc. I hope she has the sense to leave him. I have seen men deliberately bringing home fatty junk foods to keep their wives fat. It was another form of abuse. They thought it was amusing to have that kind of power over their wives.

I have also seen women abusing their husbands. Abuse is not always the male. Sometimes it is both.  I had another neighbor who is constantly putting down her husband and yelling and making threats. I tried my best to get her to stop. She is not open to reason. She always started the fights and he became abusive in return and drinks heavily. He actually set her up into assaulting him and recorded her. He had her arrested and now she has a police record and was put on probation. He very nearly had her committed to an asylum. I just barely was able to help her avoid that. He was using that ploy to get out of paying her alimony or giving her any of the property by having her declared mentally incompetent.

They finally discovered they could not afford to get a divorce this late in life. Both in their late 50’s and their house is not worth enough for either to afford to get another home nor afford the cost of rents. It is cheaper for them to remain where they are. She still starts fights, but she finally got a job where she works late. and has been working there for 8 years. Having that job also helps her prove she is not mentally unstable should he  try that ploy again. He is an alcoholic who keeps losing his jobs. She often stays with relatives to keep out of his way. In this manner, they have learned to live without battering each other.  I still hear them yell and he is a gun nut who shoots off his guns from time to time which worries me. If she had any sense, she would stop yelling and stop starting fights. She is always the instigator and always putting him down. She seems to think it makes him look bad to others. It has the opposite effect. It makes her look loud, belligerent and unreasonable. He only fights after she starts them, but I fear she is in danger with his drinking and guns. One of these days she will push him too far and pay for it with her life. 

I have also seen many women who think it is perfectly ok to criticize and put down their husband in front of other people. It is quite awful either way. No spouse should treat the other with disrespect. Certainly without abuse or violence. Being married does not give anyone a right to abuse their partner. Verbal abuse and physical assault as well as restricting someone’s freedom of movement is just as illegal for a married couple as it is for a perfect stranger. Just blocking a doorway is considered illegal imprisonment.

Anyone who is cruel or hateful or abusive, violent, etc., either does not want to be married or have kids or they have no respect for their spouse and may have someone else on the side. You cannot fix someone who feels like that. You can only get out of the situation before it becomes worse.

Never let down your guard, especially when a spouse suddenly decides to be nice and want a second chance. They already showed you how they feel about you with the abuse. They only get nice if they have ulterior motives and to gain access to getting you alone or because they found out how expensive it was to be separated and only want reconciliation due to financial reasons. Many of them have darker, more deadly intentions. Pay attention to these forensic file shows and what happens to those trusting abused spouses who went on a reconciliation honeymoon, etc.

These are just various events and stories I can share from myself, friends or family members in the hope the info may be useful. It is not wise to remain in an abusive situation. They almost always escalate and become worse, possibly deadly. No one should ever remain in harms way.